Dear Lisa: Dating and Facebook | URBANETTE Magazine

Lisa Clampitt, matchmaker and relationship expert, answers some of your burning Facebook love questions.

Dear Lisa,
My friend offered to set me up with her husband’s buddy.
We both saw a photo in advance and had a really nice conversation on the phone.
We were supposed to go to dinner tomorrow night and he said he would call today to confirm.
He sent me a Facebook friend request last night and I accepted.
He still had not called as of 6pm so I asked my friend if something was up and she told me he changed his mind about meeting up!!
What happened??
~ Sally

Dear Sally,

Dating in the age of information comes with its own set of challenges. Both men and women scour the internet for clues about their blind dates… photos, company information, articles etc. I can’t tell you how many times I have had potential great matches decide not to meet each other because of something silly they found online. NEVER facebook friend a dating prospect before the two of you have met. If they send you a request do not accept it. Furthermore you should know what your “public” profile will look like to potential daters. DO NOT have ANY sexy photos available for public view.

No guy wants to date a woman who lets the entire world see her in her underwear. Well, he might want to date her but, he definitely does not see her as the future mother of his children.

If your new profile picture is you and your college buddies doing shots – is that really the impression you would like to make on your future mate? There is no way to know if your blind date cancelled due to a facebook faux pas – but better safe than sorry!

Dear Lisa,
What is your view on dating and Facebook statuses??
This guy I have been dating for 2 months asked me to be exclusive last night so I changed my status to “in a relationship”
But he did not change his yet. What is the deal???
~ Monica

Dear Monica,

Changing your Facebook status is essentially shouting “I am in love” from the rooftop – so do not do it until you are certain that your entire Facebook network needs to be informed of your excitement.

It is romantic, mind you, when a man wants to make you his girlfriend and wants the world to know you are officially off the market. But let’s not be hasty here. He asked you last night.

Things are still in a new and delicate space. I recommend keeping your status ‘as is’ for at least 3-6 months after the time of exclusivity. Tell your best friend, tell you mom, tell your new puppy… but there is no need to announce it to your whole network. Similarly, it is NOT a bad sign if he does not change his status. I know plenty of married couples that do not announce their marital status online. People utilize Facebook for different purposes and you have to respect that… Just make sure he does not have “single, looking for women” up there after the two of you have been together for over 6 months. Then you should let him know it is time to remove “single” from his profile.

Got a Facebook love fever? Ask Lisa your question! Just post it below in the comments field.

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Post comments

Prudish

I do have a question. Why is it that when men want to make someone jealous on Facebook, they hastily add many accounts of hot women and comment on their sexy photos like drooling dogs? Don’t they realize that they just look desperate to have sex with a girl when they do that?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Clampitt/691521578 Lisa Clampitt

Dear Prudish,
Men have the belief that if they look like they know a lot of “hot” women, it must mean that they are desirable. And that when women see how in demand they are, they will jump at the opportunity to be with that “in demand” guy. What they are really demonstrating is real insecurity that they by themselves are not enough to impress. Guys in general have big ego’s that need to be stroked. So this is just another example of someone with a tender ego.
Signed, Dear Lisa

Prudish

Thanks Lisa! So nice of you to answer my question. ☺

Maggie

When a dude regularly comments on a girl’s updates, is it already a tell-tale sign that he’s interested in her?

Lisa

Dear Maggie,
It is a very good indication that the more attention a guy pays to your posts, the more likely it is that he is interested in you in some way. Unless he just loves your posts.
Signed, Dear Lisa

Joanna

I’ve been told that by a gay friend that when men post half-naked photos of themselves online, there is a 90% possibility that they are either gay or bi-sexual. Not that
there’s anything wrong with being bisexual, but how true is it?

Dearlisa

No, it is not true at all. If a man feels good about his body, he will want to show it off to attract the sex that he is interested in, straight or gay. In the animal kingdom, males always strut their stuff to attract females. It may not be everyone’s taste or style, but in no ways is it a gay or bi only trait.

Joanna

Ohhh. Lol. Thanks!

Natasha

How can I tell if a guy is being mean and starting fights out of
defensiveness, or his own issues and stress that’s unrelated to me, or
if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Lisa-Clampitt/691521578 Lisa Clampitt

Dear Natasha,
You are not a mind reader. Relationships are about communication, not guessing what someone else’s issue are. So I would just ask your guy what is on his mind and if there is anyway you could help if he is stressed. Walking on eggshells is not a way to have a relationship.
Signed, Dear Lisa

Jellina

Hi Lisa,

There’s this guy whom I met about 6 month ago and even when we just met, told me about his relationship with his gf. He told me things weren’t going well and he just can’t seem to break up with her because he’s scared he’d hurt her a lot. And then just recently, we had a picture picture together and I was surprised he made it his profile pic.

I mean, what does he mean by all that? Why would he share his private life with me when we barely know eachother then. Adn why would he make our picture his FB DP?
waning111

I really like this guy whom I met when I was in High school. but he’s too far away right now. And our communication really depends on Facebook. I want something more “tangible” in a relationship, you know. So I decided to just stop communicating with him. Am I doing the right thing?

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