Why is it that when we start dating someone we start playing mental gymnastics? As soon as we meet the other person, the games begin: When do I call her? What if it’s too soon? What if I’ve waited too long? What if this, or what if that? We start self-analyzing and undergo all sorts of mental angst over something that should be warm fuzzies.

So what’s the deal here? Is this some relict of our chromosomal ancestry that we can’t control? A struggle for power between team XX and team XY. Whatever the case, it’s real and it looks like it’s here to stay – at least for now. The plethora of movies and shows that exploit this bizarre habit that we all seem to innately poses, attributes to this fact. Beautiful Girls, Chasing Amy, There’s Something About Mary, Swingers or TV shows like Sex and the City and Seinfeld, all seem to poke right at the heart of this nasty little creature.

If one calls too soon, they’re often seen as “overly eager and desperate”, if one calls too late, then they get the “the jerk doesn’t even make the time for me” line, and so the games begin.

From discussions between Trent and Mikey in Swingers about when to call… “Two days is standard, I prefer three, but some people choose to be different and go for four…” to Carrie’s mental debates over “Mr.Big hasn’t called in four days, I think he must hate me…” It seems we all can relate to what’s going down in these games.

So why do we do this? Why do we have a 30 minute mental Tae-Bo session before we make one silly little phone call? My best guess is because if we don’t play the game, we lose out. At least, speaking from a guys perspective, that’s what I’ve found. And here we get into the “nice guys finish last” debate.

If one calls too soon, they’re often seen as “overly eager and desperate” if one calls too late, then they get the “the jerk doesn’t even make the time for me” line, and so the games begin. My experiences have been that women see nice guys as boring, whereas semi-jerks (differentiated from complete scum) are the best thing since sliced bread. I’m game for hearing what other women (or men) think about this one. The key is to keep the other person mentally off-balance – if you’re too predictable, you’re out the window, if you’re too unstable, you’re unreliable so you’re gone as well. So you end up acting good sometimes, and then you’re bad – they’re guessing – busy playing the game – and things work wonderfully. Do I understand it? No. Do I like participating in this? No. Do I have a choice if I want to keep someone interested? Rarely.

So what is a guy to do? Be nice and get cast aside, or play into these games and at least get a date. I wish we had evolved a little further and just reached the point where if you want to talk to the other person, you do. Maybe I’ll pick on TV and say that it’s because of the lack of personal communication skills that kids these days are receiving that is to blame for this communication disaster. Down with TVs? I think not, but maybe better communication is a start.

And who is worse at these little games we play? I would be inclined to say that women have even more active imaginations when it comes to thinking up scenarios than men do, but I know that for myself – being an average kinda guy – my imagination is nearly limitless, so I can only assume that others are similar. Did she not take my call because she didn’t want to talk to me? Because she enjoys the music her phone makes more than she does conversation with me? Because she was giving CPR to someone who had suffered a coronary minutes before? Because she was busy bungee jumping from the CN Tower? Or simply because she didn’t have her phone turned on? And although that’s just the tip of the iceberg (yes, scary, I know), I think I’d probably go crazy if I thought through them all.

So maybe it makes sense for us to stop doing backflips and start adhering to Ockham’s Razor: the simplest explanation is most often the correct one. Hey, if it’s not, then you shouldn’t really need to worry anyhow, because realistically, things probably aren’t going to work out. If it’s this early in the relationship and she doesn’t want to talk to you, its trouble with a capital “T”. And if that’s the case, then you smile, pick up your bags and say ‘Thanks.’

You would think that after all this babble, I might have some answers for you. Well that’s what I’m counting on you, the reader, for. I doubt the games will ever go away – after all, they ARE a little bit fun – but I just hope we begin be a little more human when it comes time to ask a question or make a phone call. There are also a few other options on the table: learn Yoga (see Sex and the City), go ice fishing (Beautiful Girls), develop a stand-up comedy routine (Seinfeld), learn how to Swing (Swingers), or have witty repartee and make fun of it all (Chasing Amy).

As for me, I think I’ll take a break from all of my mental workouts and hold out for someone who sees things my way, who can speak their mind, be themselves and let me be myself. Que sera, sera – life is too short to stress over the little things. On the other hand, I could always head to New York for casting of next season’s “Sex and the City.” After all, even though it’s probably not healthy, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.