Do you have a girl friend with an annoying smell? Do you hate the way she dresses? Do you feel you have to tell her about her flaws, but doesn’t know how to do it?

Of course you will not do it for self-gratification. You know you’ve got a million flaws and you do not look for her defects just to feel good about yourself. You just want to tell her that she has flaws that (are getting on your nerves and) may irritate other people too.

When pointing out the flaws in other people without offending their feelings, there are really no established etiquette guidelines. There are just techniques to tell people that they have annoying flaws that you want to address. These ways, I admit, are among the things I have yet to master.

When it comes to health and beauty issues, the most polite way to call out a friend’s flaw is by offering her something that will make her aware of the flaw. So in the middle of the conversation, instead of saying “Gosh, your breath stinks like shit”, offer your girl friend a piece of gum. Instead of saying “Your hair looks tousled”, offer her a mirror.

This is done on a case to case basis, however. You can offer a mint or a gum to a friend with smelly breath, but you might appear way too sarcastic when giving her a toothbrush. You can offer a mirror to pal with messy hair, but you would feel awkward to offer her a comb. Obviously, you cannot offer a deodorant to a friend with body odor because that would be downright insulting. Be reasonable.

Another technique is by casually talking about issues that are related to your friend’s flaws or by suggesting excellent products and persons who can help her correct the flaws.

Bad fashion is another flaw that you might easily notice. You may not be a fashion police, but there is really a friend of yours who needs to be detained for perpetually piercing your eyes with her outmoded sense of fashion.

Why not take her on a mini-shopping spree or a little make-over? If she is too difficult to dress or “alter”, you can write on TV programs for a nationally broadcasted make-over transformation. (*Insert grin here.) Your noble goal is to hopefully make her admire her new look and be inspired to change for the better.

For other irritating habits like nail biting or talking loud in public places, though, the most effective way is to casually call out the bad habit. Instead of buying nail clippers or making ahems to hint the flaws, simply tell your friend that her habits are unattractive and may be offensive to other people. If she’s got the nerve to bite nails or talk loud in public, she is likely to also have the nerve to accept people’s responses including the negative ones.

Moustache on a pretty friend’s face? Well, I have gone to telling a friend that I’ve seen a product at a beauty shop that easily removes facial hairs. She has only responded “Do I really look that bad?” I’ve figured out that she doesn’t mind them as much as I do.

Some people are not as aware of their own faults as others do. You may be annoyed by your friend’s flaws, but she could have developed a tolerance for it. She may not feel as annoyed as you are, and might have decided long time ago that it is not really worth bothering about. So speak your truth quietly and clearly.

If you have told her about her flaws and she does nothing to curb them – and if you can’t help but get irritated by them – then, go away. There is nothing left to do but go separate ways. You cannot change people, friends included. Love them with their flaws. Or dislike them and be gone.