Let’s face it, ladies. After the honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship with a significant other, the more susceptible you are to inevitably hit a point where he takes you for granted. No need to freak out just yet though, this isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting forth any effort. To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try.

1)   Change it up. His reasoning behind why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evening or day, stay in and order from the same restaurant, and rent movies from the same Blockbuster around the corner. It would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of your plans. Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, or get a group of friends together; aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half.

2)    Communicate. Though it is important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It is not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan. (Generally, as a rule of thumb, it is encouraged to give your man space, at least in the early dating stages, to do the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. You always leading or planning things might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship.) Be careful of the way you approach this conversation—if he feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he will remain defensive about how he has been acting rather than open-minded.

3)   Make yourself unavailable. Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you will always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together. Has it been a while since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC?

The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together. Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.