Advice for My 20-Something Self

If I could give my younger self some advice, I’d tell her this…


6. Stay open.

Don’t be closed-minded. If someone has a different opinion than you, genuinely listen to it. They might be ill-informed, or they might have different values than yours, or they might actually modify your opinion on a topic. Either way, part of growing is staying open and keeping your ideas somewhat fluid. That said, if someone says something based on contempt, feel free to tell them to shut the hell up.

Advice for My 20-Something Self

7. Some people just want to bring you down, for no reason.

No reason that you’ll ever figure out, anyway. Whatever excuse they use to try to hurt you, it won’t be the real reason they’re upset. They’re upset because they’re jealous, or because they don’t like them self in comparison to you, but instead of admitting that, they find an unrelated excuse to blame their feelings on you.

I know it’s hard to understand, but some people simply won’t listen to reason. They can’t be convinced that they’re wrong. Why? Because they aren’t engaging their higher-thinking part of the brain. The more you try to convince them they’re wrong, the more they’ll try to prove they’re right and (illogically) get even more entrenched in their misguided emotions and ideas.

Related: How to Overcome Haters

8. Try not to feel sorry for yourself.

I know it’s really hard sometimes, but it won’t get you anywhere. Learn to meditate instead. As Helen Keller said, “Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world.”Advice for My 20-Something Self

9. Adopt two cats from a shelter.

Pick two that already get along. Treat them with kindness at all times and they’ll meaningfully improve your life. (Say good-bye to loneliness!)

10. Don’t worry about what you have and what others have.

It honestly has no lasting bearing on your happiness. Nobody ever said this on their deathbed: “I wish I’d bought more crap.”

What advice would you give? 

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Avatar of Hilary Rowland

A writer, artist, and designer since she was young enough to put pencil to paper, Hilary taught herself code and created Urbanette when she was a teenager. Currently, she lives in Monte Carlo, but spent the past decade living in NYC, still considers herself a New Yorker, and visits regularly. She's always traveling, looking for hot new topics, destinations, and life hacks to bring to Urbanette readers.

Reader Discussion: 207 Comments

  1. Avatar of Amey


    Wow, this was very well written.

    I would like to tell my 20s self to lose weight and start exploring life outside of a video game console.

    With so much potential and beauty, inner and outer, there is so much you can offer to people around you. Don’t hide away on the Internet, clicking away your 20s.

    I really wish I had learnt rebirthing breathwork then, I would have gotten rid of so many of my complexes, self-limiting beliefs, and traumas. Just wish!

  2. Avatar of Hilda Nichols

    I would’ve perhaps said to myself “get married around your twenties and have a baby quickly. You will be too tired, sick and jaded by your late twenties.”

    I would tell me to read more. I would tell me to go out more and try more things. I would tell me to find out how to accelerate finishing schooling. I would tell me to get a job.

    I would tell me I was beautiful and to ask men out to look for a good candidate to marry and have a child with around my twenties.

    I would tell me to go to therapy and be honest in it for at least a month.

    I would tell me to save money in the bank for a house and car, and to go out with friends more and to keep in touch with them.

    I would tell me to get genetic testing to take preventative measures for the illness that would hit me in my twenties. I would tell me to buy a good skin care regimen and stick to it. To not scrub my skin.

    I would tell me to look for friends in other schools. To talk more and be more honest with my family. To show anger and sadness and everything. There was an elephant in my house, and no one was honest enough to point to it and start working with it.

    Of course opinions change. I would probably say something different next year XD

  3. Avatar of Candace Nelson

    Candace Nelson

    I am 34 now and I am so happy that during my 20s I went and try so many different things to figure myself out. I went through 20+ different jobs and different school programs. I was afraid many time, but I am so glad I did it anyways to find out who I am really are.

  4. Avatar of Valerie Griffin

    Valerie Griffin

    I struggle with this daily. I am just about to hit 30 and I feel like I regret my education and paths I take. Mainly due to job losses and just not KNOWING what I want to do.

  5. Avatar of Naomi Sharp

    I’m 28, I wish I could convince my younger self that I shouldn’t see school as an obligation, not worry about passing and getting a degree, but to enjoy and actively learn about the world and different subjects.

  6. Avatar of Denise Perkins

    Denise Perkins

    as somebody who was always silenced as a child and ended up being terrified of talking, I would tell my younger self – your voice matters and what you have to say is not weird or stupid, its important and its your right as a human being to be able to express your opinions

  7. Avatar of Florence Dunn

    Florence Dunn

    To my 20 year old self…
    1. You’re bisexual, and that’s okay. Yes, you can picture yourself in a relationship with a woman, yes it’s totally normal. Compulsory heterosexuality is bs, and you can have a fulfilling life no matter who you end up with.
    2. Strive to be excellent in what you do, and don’t compare yourself to others. Your journey is not anyone else’s and you are exactly where you need to be.
    3. It’s not always going to be hard. You’re not always going to be alone, but you need to work to put yourself out there. I know it’s scary, but it’s all going to be worth it when you make great friends. Also, people are going to come into and out of your life. Let them. It’s okay. Don’t stress over maintaining what’s already gone. You’ll miss out on now.

  8. Avatar of Toni Higgins

    Toni Higgins

    I would tell myself nothing because the past doesn’t matter. Great read though. Very interesting seeing how things have change for you since you were 20.

  9. Avatar of Sharon Miller

    Sharon Miller

    20 year old me needs to hear these:

    1. Everyone doesn’t know what they’re doing in life. And that’s ok.
    2. No matter what you do, no matter how good your intentions are, someone(s) will not like you.
    3. Stop relying on the approval of others. Your life and your happiness is ALL you have control over.
    4. Stop being ignorant of the world. Read, listen, and understand the opinions of others. ESPECIALLY if you disagree with them.
    5. The only reason you are mad about anything is because you are ignorant of the situation, you don’t accept what is, or you are not living in the present moment. Simple as that.
    6. No one has control of your happiness but yourself. Get out of the heads of others and live life for you.
    7. Nothing will get done if you don’t put in the work.
    8. Success will not fall out of the sky. Get your ass into gear and put in the work.
    9. Anything in this world worth fighting for requires patience and discipline. Stop giving up whenever you’re faced with challenges.
    10. Happiness is found within. Accept that your life is never what is seen in movies or books or Facebook. No one lives a perfect life. And that’s beautiful.

  10. Avatar of Constance Mills

    Constance Mills

    Oh my god this is genius! I’d tell myself not to be too scared to call people out on their BS and stand up for people who need you. I have a lot of regrets around not speaking up when I was thinking in the moment that I should.

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