The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Everything you ever needed to know about your own fantasies, and how to convey them.


Open and honest communication is one of the keys to a satisfying sex life—but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. It can be embarrassing and nerve-racking to tell your partner what you really want, especially if the relationship is just a casual one. But the rewards are worth the temporary awkwardness, so I’ll help you get there.

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Go ahead – tell him your sexual fantasies…

Defining Needs, Desires, and Fantasies

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Craving a threesome?

Before you can express what you want, it’s important to understand the difference between these three concepts. Here’s how I see it… A sexual need is a physical or psychological requirement for your well-being. This can include the needs for security and affection as well as sexual release on a physical level. A sexual desire is something you wish or hope for but are able to live without, such as an emotional connection with your partner or having sex more often. Finally, a sexual fantasy is a mental image or scenario that turns you on but isn’t necessarily something you’d want to go through with in real life.

HOT TIP: On a piece of paper, make three columns labeled “needs,” “desires,” and “fantasies,” and fill in each one. You’ll have a clearer idea of what you want and need, which will help when it comes time to open up to your partner.


When to Tell Him Your Fantasies

People often ask me, “How long into a relationship should I wait before telling my partner about my needs/desires/fantasies?” Every situation and relationship is different, but here’s a general guideline. Your basic needs should be met from the first encounter—including one-night stands.

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Want to get kinky?

If you’re having sex with someone, you absolutely deserve to feel safe and secure. And if you need some kissing or cuddling to enjoy a sexual encounter, then by all means express that need. This isn’t a business transaction; it’s the most intimate human activity, so don’t be embarrassed. If your partner can’t fulfill your basic needs, you should find someone else to have sex with.

Sexual desires can be expressed in the early stages of a casual or long-term sexual relationship. Within the first few weeks, you should be able to tell your partner that it’s hard for you to achieve orgasm in the missionary position or that having your neck kissed turns you on. As the relationship progresses, you should be able to openly express all your sexual desires to your partner, even if it means telling him that his technique doesn’t work for you or that you aren’t satisfied with how often you have sex.

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

You don’t just have to do what pleases him

As for your deepest, darkest fantasies, you might need to wait a little longer to let them out into the open. There’s nothing wrong with fantasizing about kinky or unusual scenarios, but it’s possible that your partner will be surprised or even shocked and won’t understand or accept them right away. So it’s usually best to build a solid foundation for the relationship before pulling out the big guns.

Pages: 1 2 3

Sabrina is the author of 'A Fantastic Sex Life… And How to Get It!' Her work has been published in numerous print magazines and websites, including Women’s Fitness, Men’s Fitness, Men’s Health,, Good Health, Australian Women’s Weekly, body+soul, Runner’s World, Kidspot, ninemsn Health & Wellbeing, FHM (monthly “Ask Sabrina” column), MAXIM, Ralph, Eat Fit and ZOO Weekly.

Reader Discussion: 124 Comments

  1. Tracey Pierce

    It’s true. It’s okay to tell your partner about your fantasies, but there are things that you shouldn’t tell them. If you know that your fantasy involves another character, make it a secret because it might hurt your partner.

  2. Marie Hunt

    I have an open mind, but sometimes, it’s hard to accept what they are wishing. IT takes time, especially if you know that your wish is hard to give. ?

  3. Jimmy Coleman

    I tried having the threesome with my best friend, and his girlfriend, I don’t have a best friend anymore, but I have a wife. Lol

    • ??‍♀️?excellent

    • Nina Price

      Haha! So your best friend’s girlfriend that time is your wife?

  4. Thomas Ramirez

    I will share this article with my wife because we are having a hard time in our sexy time, and if I can feel that we should have the connection to talk about stuff like this one.

  5. Tonya Logan

    My boyfriend asked me if it’s okay with me to have a threesome. I was thinking of that too, but he wanted to do it with another girl, but I like it with a guy? How’s that?

  6. Sherry Wilson

    It’s hard to tell your sexual fantasies because you might get rejected, but it’s worth taking the risk.

    • Agnes Wilkins

      Yeah, I tried telling my wife and all I got is a slap in my face. Lol ?

  7. Alberta Richardson

    Your articles are getting more interesting each day. I love it! Keep posting stuff like this! ?

  8. Angelica Leonard

    Men’s sexual fantasies are harder that women’s fantasies. My boyfriend’s fantasies are much harder than what I thought, but it’s okay as long as he is happy.

  9. Mindy Morris

    I will try to make a list of my “needs” “desire” and “Fantasies”, I think it’s a great thing to do to know what’s on our mind.

  10. Ashley Phelps

    I tried to be honest, but he just keeps on rejecting me. I don’t know, I want to survive our sexual relationship, but I think he wants it that way.

Load 10 more comments

Join in the Conversation! Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Urbanette moderates and edits comments for grammar and to facilitate an informed, substantive, civil conversation. Abusive, profane, promotional, misleading, incoherent or off-topic comments will be rejected. Please use your full name. Moderators can only approve comments written in English.
All content is strictly copyright. Contact us for permission.