The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Everything you ever needed to know about your own fantasies, and how to convey them.


How to Express Your Desires

Even for the most confident and outgoing person, expressing sexual wants can be intimidating. Here are a few tips and tricks to help it go smoothly.

Pick the right time to talk: If you try to bring it up as your partner is dashing off to work, chances are you won’t get anywhere, and you may even end up arguing about it. Introduce the topic when you’re both relaxed and don’t have any other commitments.

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

How to get to YES

Be open and honest: Even if you feel embarrassed and struggle to get your words out at first, stick with it. Say what’s on your mind in straightforward terms and be clear as to whether you’re discussing desires you hope your partner can fulfill or you’re just playfully talking about fantasies you don’t necessarily want to go through with. If you’re discussing fantasies, don’t approach it too seriously—have fun with it.

Be positive: Make sure to use optimistic and constructive words so your partner doesn’t feel criticized. For example, say, “I really love it when you go down on me. That swirly movement you do with your tongue is the best! Do you think you could do that the whole time you’re down there?” Or, “You turn me on so much, I feel like having sex with you all the time. We’ve just been so busy recently and haven’t had as much time as we used to. Do you think we could try to set aside more time for sex?”

The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies

Dreaming of dressing up like a schoolgirl?

Be patient: Don’t expect your partner to accept and embrace your desires and fantasies right away. If he reacts negatively, explain that you don’t expect him to want the same thing, but that you wanted to share your thoughts and feelings. Then leave it alone for a while and try to broach the topic again a few weeks later. Or your partner might be the one to bring it up again after thinking about it for a while.

Respect your partner’s wishes: If you’ve always wanted to have sex in a public place or a threesome with two guys but your partner says there’s no way he’d ever consider it, you might simply have to accept that some of your sexual dreams can’t be fulfilled. And while fantasies like threesomes, orgies, and watching your partner have sex with someone else can be a huge turn-on, going through with them could seriously hurt your relationship. Sometimes fantasies are better left in the realm of the imagination. Why not explore them verbally with your partner while having sex? The mind is a powerful thing, and discussing your wildest imaginations can be just as satisfying as bringing them to life.

Have an open mind: Now that you’ve expressed your desires and fantasies, you have to be prepared to listen to your partner’s. You might be pleasantly surprised to hear that you’re on the same wavelength, but you could also be shocked by what your partner has to say. If so, try not to get upset or angry, and be honest about how you feel. Attempt to keep an open mind and take the time to think about what your partner has said.

Compromise: If you and your partner’s desires and fantasies diverge, try to arrive at a compromise. For example, if you like a little more variety than your partner does when it comes to sexual positions, agree to try a new position each month. Or if your partner would like to experiment with light bondage but you don’t feel comfortable being restrained with handcuffs, suggest using silk scarves.

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Avatar of Sabrina Rogers-Anderson

Sabrina is the author of 'A Fantastic Sex Life… And How to Get It!' Her work has been published in numerous print magazines and websites, including Women’s Fitness, Men’s Fitness, Men’s Health,, Good Health, Australian Women’s Weekly, body+soul, Runner’s World, Kidspot, ninemsn Health & Wellbeing, FHM (monthly “Ask Sabrina” column), MAXIM, Ralph, Eat Fit and ZOO Weekly.

Reader Discussion: 132 Comments

  1. Avatar of Jimmie


    I think one of the biggest fantasies women have is to have a man that can and will communicate with her on a physical level on an emotional level and know how to make her feel loved and heard. It seems like today very few men know how to do just that.

  2. Avatar of Jimmie


    Move on not mature enough

  3. Avatar of Jimmie

    My fantasy is to have a nice lady in the middle of a lake floating on a air bed oiling her down from head to toe to make sure she does not get a sunburn. And then she returns the favor. Of course we cannot have Tan Lines clothes are forbidden. And we can work the oil into each other. You can use your imagination for the rest

  4. Avatar of Jimmie

    If you want some good advice to this goes both this is for both ways men and women. You have to teach your mate what you what and how you like it. Don’t be afraid to speak up and tell them exactly what you want and how to do it if you do not do this your sexual life will never be fulfilled never fake it EVER!!! If you fake it you are doing a disservice to yourself

  5. Avatar of Jimmie

    One of the many things I enjoy very much. Is the art of cunnilingus, I am like a person on crack when it comes to cunnilingus and I’m looking for a woman that can be my cunnilingus dealer anytime I want it.

  6. Avatar of Jimmie

    To anyone that may be confused about fantasies. Fantasies are a good way to bond with your partner as long as they’re consensual. They will help you build a deeper understanding of each other and it builds trust. They are very normal everybody has them. But only the bold lovers fulfill them.

  7. Avatar of Jimmie

    As a prior commenter to the column. I will tell you about another adventure that I experienced. I was at a local bar celebrating a friends birthday party. I started talking to this voluptuous beautiful lady. After a few drinks we decided to leave the boring party. After talking about many things that interested us and different experiences that we’ve had it was already dark so we decided to drive to the lake. It was very cold so she decided to go swimming very unusual lady but I could tell she loved the water she wanted this to be a fantasy moment, she took her clothes off and waited out until she was in water about wast deep. I could see her big breast glistening in the moonlight from the water dripping off them. I was very reluctant about going in the freezing water but I ventured out anyway. She knew that I could not get a hard-on in this freezing water. And I believe she did that on purpose. Because she wanted to see what I could do. I made my way out to her and the freezing water. About that time a park ranger walked up and shined his flashlight right up on us and told us to come out of the water. After coming up out of the water we both grabbed our clothes and got dressed. The park ranger asked us what we was doing there I just simply said we wanted to take a swim and we didn’t have our swimsuits. He then replied I’m going to run a background check on it both of you if either one of you have anything on you I’m taking both of you in. I looked at her not even knowing what her first name was and I asked her if she had anything on her any outstanding warrants she said no nothing and I said I don’t either the park ranger found nothing on either one and told us to leave the park so we did what a crazy night one I will always remember.

  8. Avatar of Jimmie

    Let me share one experience I was young I was 20 years old. Still living at home looking for my own place. Wanting to go to college but do not have the money working on tuition. I was still having fun going to local parties with my high school friends. And one of the parties I met a really nice high energy very charismatic young lady. After conversing for a while we decided the party was too boring. So we decided to take a drive and see if we could find something more exciting. We wound up going to the city park were they also had a public pool it was closed but the gate was unlocked I tried to talk her into going for a Moonlight swim. But the water was very chilly so we decided not to. So we’ve started to walk around the park and we reached the back side of the park where we could see the road and parking lot. We sat down on the backside of the Hill. And begin to talk it was kind of chilly out so we’ve set very close to each other. We were touching from our knees all the way up to our lips we was sharing body heat. As things progressed. I casually mentioned her other set of lips must be getting jealous. We cannot have that. After a few more minutes of delicate touches and warm lips . She help me remove her pants allowing me to massage and caress the rest of her beautiful body. Starting to get excited very excited. As her body began to tremble the police drove up in a parking lot. We were laying low all the backside of a small hill barely out of sight. I quickly right up leaves to cover the top of her head where if they searched they would not see us if we were lucky. They looked all around the pool area that could not see anything how about that time one of them started walking out to the park. I was in full motion licking her clitoris. She was in such ecstasy say she could not hardly be quiet. I whispered in her ear the police are here looking around at that time she looked up and seen a flash light scanning in the woods just over our heads. I wanted to give her a orgasm. I refuse to quit i put my hand over her mouth and I whispered in her ear to be very still and don’t make a sound. I continued arousing her in her fear and excitement . Than her body began to shake very hard and I can hear her straining with everything she had trying not to make a sound watching her body quiver is she clenched her fists trying to be quiet. Police officer scanned one last time did not see anything returning to his patrol car they drove away. I removed my hand and I gave her the satisfaction she’s so craved. Ever since that night I knew I had a gift and I have been enjoying it ever since I’m still looking to have fun I never did get married but now I’m in a place in life where I can have fun and enjoy the people that I’m with I can’t but I only speculate and wonder if she has had a good life I may have missed my one true love I don’t know . But what I really want out of life is just one good woman that I can love with all of my might. Still looking…..True story

  9. Avatar of Tracey Pierce

    Tracey Pierce

    It’s true. It’s okay to tell your partner about your fantasies, but there are things that you shouldn’t tell them. If you know that your fantasy involves another character, make it a secret because it might hurt your partner.

  10. Avatar of Marie Hunt

    Marie Hunt

    I have an open mind, but sometimes, it’s hard to accept what they are wishing. IT takes time, especially if you know that your wish is hard to give. ?

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