The Complete Guide: Your Sexual Fantasies
Everything you ever needed to know about your own fantasies, and how to convey them.
How Much Sharing Is Too Much?
When it comes to fantasies, should you tell your partner everything? That’s up to you, but it can be a good idea to keep some things to yourself. If you’ve been fantasizing about the new neighbor or your partner’s best friend, you might not want to share that information—it’s a little too close to home and could hurt your partner or breed jealousy and suspicion. Having a nameless, faceless fantasy is one thing, but lusting after an attainable person is a whole other ballgame. Likewise, if some of your fantasies err on the dark side, use your judgment to determine whether it’s worth totally freaking your partner out.
Some couples have very open lines of communication and share every last detail—more power to you if that’s the case and you’re both happy with it. But keeping some information to yourself is probably the way to go for most relationships—it’s not dishonesty, but rather maintaining a little privacy and mystery.
Acting Out Your Fantasies
You’ve shared your wildest fantasy with your partner, and he’s willing to give it a whirl. So…now what? To ensure a positive experience for both of you, agree on the boundaries you’re both comfortable with before you get started. If you’d like to try a little rough play, find out how far each of you is willing to take it. While some gentle spanking might be fine, biting could be off-limits.
If you’re treading into role-playing territory, you might also want to choose a “safe word.” This is a word you wouldn’t normally say during sex, such as “elephant,” which indicates to your partner that you want them to stop what they’re doing. “No” and “stop” are bad safe words, as your “character” might say them as part of role-playing without really meaning them—as in, “No, Mr. Officer, I am not wearing any underwear.” You can also use words like “green” to mean “OK” or “harder,” yellow to mean “slow down” or “stop that action,” and “red” to mean “stop the scene.”
For any non-role-playing fantasies, open communication throughout is your best bet. Ask your partner how he’s feeling, if he’s enjoying it, and if he’d like you to do anything differently. Once you’ve ensured he’s having a good time, relax and enjoy the ride. After it’s all said and done, debrief together. Ask your partner what he liked and didn’t like, and tell him how you felt too. Hopefully it was a fun, exciting experience for both of you and you’ve expanded your sexual repertoire. If it was less than stellar for either one of you, decide whether you’re both willing to try it again in the future or whether it’s one for the history books.