How to Spot and Trap a Lumbersexual
Because really, why not?
If you’re a regular reader of Urbanette, then you know that we have a tenancy to veer to the serious side sometimes. That’s why we thought it was high time we brought you something sexy, silly, and fun. Cue the lumbersexuals!
In case you’re unfamiliar, there are two kinds of lumbersexuals: the fake kind and the sexy kind. Here’s how to spot the real ones, weed out the hipsters, and get over the fact that you’ve fallen for a beard-sporting, flannel-loving, Army boot-wearing man (who also may wear faux glasses and a droopy beanie that your dad makes fun of because hey, nobody is perfect).
Best Places to Find a Lumbersexual
Rock climbing gyms, live music venues, Frisbee golf courses, the lake, the river, the hardware store — this is where you find real lumbersexuals. They are at bars, too (but then again, so are the lumbering not-so-sexuals).
How to Avoid the Lumbering Not-So-Sexuals
Are his pants so tight that his thigh gap is wider than yours? Is he wearing Tom’s? Drinking a hard cider? This lumbering not-so-sexual may own a lot of plaid and have poor grooming habits, but odds are, he doesn’t know how to do many of the things that make real lumbersexuals so intoxicating. The allure of the lumbersexual is a manliness with an edge of fashionability, right? Well, consider this a guy a designer knockoff and beware!
How to Deal with His Fake Glasses
Fake glasses? That serve no medical purpose whatsoever? What is next, lumbersexuals? A plastic ax? What if we put a little fake bird on your shoulder like the kind my aunt gets from craft stores?
We may hate on the faux rims fad but dangit, at least this guy has some guts. It’s kinda refreshing to meet a guy who is rugged and still likes to accessorize, right? And really, fake glasses are a ridiculous thing in concept, but we lie about fake eyelashes and summer highlights, so why shouldn’t men have their little secrets, too?
Still not feeling it? If you really hate them, you could just ‘accidentally’ squish them while packing his CamelBak for a surprise day hike… whoops! He can always get another $10 pair, but in the meantime tell him how hot he looks without them.
How to Deal with His Droopy Beanie
We all know this look. The hottest guy in the room sporting a beanie that looks like a deflated balloon taped to the back of his head. Is it just me, or is a beanie only hot when it looks like he would snowboard in it? The lumbersexual is all about gettin’ things done, using tools and being efficient. So an emo beanie just doesn’t cut it. Get him something structured, strong and knitted, with ear flaps or faux fur/leather and buckle detail. His desire to wear cheeky accessories will take over and break him from his sad droopy beanie habit.
All Flannel, All the Time
Over the last few years, we’ve all become experts at spotting a flannel from across the room in a sea of no-effort T-shirts. It’s a beacon of hope that there are still manly men out there who can build you a house AND help you decorate it, too (or at least be willing to look through the Pinterest board).
The expanding population of smart, dare-we-say sophisticated lumbersexuals is a pretty encouraging development. And the fashion world is even taking notice. The Guardian calls the trend “faux-hobo” and boasts the practicality of the style. That’s right. It’s finally fashionable to be practical. Oh wait, it always was — for men, anyway. Sorry, ladies.
Now that you’ve found your lumbersexual and fallen for him like a tree in the forest and you don’t care who hears it, make sure you two stay cozy all winter long. Get some legit matching flannels and get to studying up on whatever gets this grizzly god of plaid outside and smiling.
Are you obsessed with lumbersexuals too? Do tell!
Here’s everything you need to know about this new men’s urban style.
Honestly I think it’s just a consequence of culture melting together due to the media and internet. I’m in Mississippi and guys have been dressing like lumber jacks since I can remember. Also our southern accents are diminishing because we’re watching so much youtube and stuff, ie the world is rubbing off on rural society, it stands to reason that rural society would rub off on the world too.
So now we’re sexualizing men for wearing a certain type of clothing and having a beard? Isn’t that what feminism is absolutely against?
If Target seriously doesn’t sell Mossimo khakis anymore I literally have no idea what to do. ?
I’m disappointed that no one addressed the disingenuity of both the ‘lumbersexual’ and ‘metrosexual’ trends. For instance I think the only, or at least the main, attractive feature of someone with metrosexuals traits is that he knows who he is, is comfortable in his own skin, and doesn’t care if he’s flouting gender stereotypes because he’s doing what he wants. Likewise, I feel the most attractive trait in someone who’s ‘lumbersexual’ would be his casual confidence, unwillingness to conform to ideals of attractiveness, and again basic comfort in expressing himself without regard to social pressure. BOTH types of people utterly lose the appeal of their respective styles if it’s a calculated thing he’s just doing to try to fit into a certain niche. It’s not ‘metrosexual’ or ‘lumbersexual’ that’s attractive; it’s CONFIDENCE. The guy loses that if he’s trying too hard, even if he’s getting the look right.
Oh come on! Who didn’t find Logan in Lumberjackville sexy? Thats the most i find him attractive!!
What’s up with straight people lol?? I’m gay and I hate trendy, fashion forward men lol. I want a man to be clueless about fashion and just look like a guy who’s wearing whatever was clean that day.
10 years ago these guys were on MySpace with eyeliner and hair past their eyes and the first generation of emo. Our generation has gone from scene kids to scene adults .
I love being into fashion especially being an outdoors person as it lets me troll the life out of lumbersexuals by asking them things that a lumberjack, someone they pretend to be, would know if you woke him up and asked him at 3 in the morning
people are growing beards just to try to give them some kind of edgy look.. men are under so much pressure by other men to be masculine, that some men just hide behind the mystique of their beard.